You used to spend long, romantic hours together — and now, it feels like they’re on the other side of the world. Should you reconnect with your ex?
Everyone has a story about the one that got away.
Maybe they were your childhood crush. Maybe they were an old flame, and you always had questions once they left your life.
Many people think about reconnecting with their ex at some point in their lives. For some, it’s a bucket list goal. For others, it’s a potential source of healing and closure.
But should you do it?
If you’re asking yourself that question, it may be because your relationship didn’t exactly end on the best terms. Perhaps you have some safety concerns or you’re wondering if you’ll be vulnerable to rejection. It’s a deeply personal question with, potentially, very serious implications.
That said, there are absolutely some great reasons to reconnect — as long as you take the right precautions with Instant Checkmate.
Questions To Ask Yourself Before You Contact An Ex
There are some circumstances when it’s not such a great idea to contact your ex boyfriend or girlfriend. For instance, are you already in a happy relationship or marriage? Do you know for a fact that your ex is in a relationship already? Do you really need to contact them to resolve and heal past issues, or have you had a few too many drinks on a Friday night and are feeling lonely?
If you’ve answered yes to any of these questions, then perhaps you should reconsider your real intentions about reaching out to this person. After all, you don’t want to reopen old wounds or cause conflict in yours (or theirs) home life.
But if these questions do not apply, it’s okay to think about contacting someone from your past. In some cases we have unresolved issues that won’t leave us alone until we drag them out into the sunlight and take a good hard look at them. But you should know that you don’t always need to contact your ex romantic partner in order to resolve the past. You can also do it by exploring therapy options or talking it over with a good friend.
Still not sure? You have a lot to think about, so start by asking yourself a few questions:
- Is it wise to reconnect?
- Is it safe?
- Am I prepared for the possibility of rejection?
- What do I hope to get out of this? Closure? Reunion with family/loved ones? Another reason?
- What was my last contact like?
- What do I know about the person my ex is today?
- Are there any red flags or reasons I should avoid my ex (or take added precautions)?
Basically, if you’re on the fence, you’ll want to sit down and write out a list of pros and cons. Use the above list of questions to help you think about what you know already — or still need to know.
That’s where Instant Checkmate can help. This website is basically your one-stop-shop for inside details about almost anyone in the United States. Everything in an Instant Checkmate report is pulled from public records data, which can include the things you really want to know about your ex — like where they live now, what they’ve done with their life, and whether they’ve had any trouble with the law.
All you need to do is search for their first name, last name, and last-known location. Don’t know where they’re living now? No problem. Instant Checkmate members can find almost anyone by searching for their phone number, email address, home address, or related persons.
You can use this information to check on your ex’s life — or uncover the details you need to finally reach out, even after all this time.
What’s The Risk?
Think about any potential repercussions of reconnecting. Is your ex a safe person? Are you concerned about being rejected by them? What do you think they’ll say or do when they meet with you?
Be aware of the possibility that your ex is now a completely different person. If it’s been 20 years since you’ve seen them, for instance, they likely have completely different relationships, a new family, or other major life changes.
Being a new person also means their personality and personal beliefs might’ve changed (and not necessarily for the better). For these reasons, it’s wise to take the same precautions you’d take when meeting any other stranger in person for the first time.
Whether or not you should reconnect with your ex is ultimately your decision.
Your Gameplan
Think carefully through these questions to put together your plan:
- What should I probably expect from our first meeting?
- Who can I bring with me for the first meeting?
- What’s my plan if my ex wants (or doesn’t want) to rekindle a relationship?
Here are some additional tips:
- Use your common sense. Pretend your ex is like any other stranger you’re interacting with online.
- Keep your romance expectations in-check. If you think you’d like to date them again, keep in mind that this may not be realistic. The conditions that led to your breakup may still be there.
- Do a bit of recon on your ex before making contact or giving over any personal information. (When you use Instant Checkmate, you can gather this intel from the comfort of your own home.)
- Watch for any red flags. If their report includes a series of criminal records for assault and battery, it’s better to let sleeping dogs lie.
- Bring a friend or family member with you for the first meeting, but you should probably leave your minor children at home or with a babysitter if you have safety concerns.
- Have the first meeting in a public place if you decide to meet in-person. Coffee shops, restaurants, and other busy areas with lots of people are best.
- Let a friend or family member know where you’ll be going and when you expect to get back, as you would with any other first-time meeting.
If you do your research and use common sense, you can very well safely and sensibly reconnect.
